Wednesday 4 January 2017

Leadership - Tuesday April 28

LESSON #3 (10) - COMMUNICATION 
"SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD"

If we have made "Think Win-Win" a habit, then this next habit will be much easier to achieve. In order for the other person to "win" you will need to find out what they want/need, and in order for you to "win", you will have to share what you want/need.  Therefore, communication is necessary and important to good relationships.  Stress and dysfunction in relationships are often the result of poor communication.  Since the Public Victory is about building healthy relationships with others,  how can we become better communicators?  (prepare yourselves - this is one of the longer lessons...)

1.  Check out the video below.  How much simpler would this situation have been if each "person" had asked about the other's intentions and communicated their thoughts rather than making assumptions?




When you hear the word, "communication", do you imagine someone speaking or silently listening?  Most of us likely imagine speaking, but the KEY to communication is in understanding the other person.  When both people seek to understand - communication just works better.

Seek First to Understand - We will start be examining the most important aspect of communication ... LISTENING.

2.  Read pages 164-178 of your "7 Habits" book.

3. Print off the Communication Note sheet and fill it in as you read.

4.  "the deepest need of the human heart is to be understood.  Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they are..."  (7 Habits, p. 165)

So how do we achieve this?  Let's take a closer look at GENUINE LISTENING.  By practicing the following 3 things, we can improve our listening skills and therefore, our ability to understand others.  

a.  Listen with your eyes, heart and ears.  Since words only account for 7% of the message, we need to practice listening better with our eyes and heart - what is the person's body language telling us?  

Simply being aware of the importance of body language is a step towards becoming a better listener.
Try the quiz found at the following link.  


b.  Stand in their shoes.  This means to listen with EMPATHY.  Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's situation and understand and share his/her feelings.  

Brene Brown is a prominent researcher in this area.  In this short video, she explains the difference between SYMPATHY and EMPATHY.



c.  Mirroring.  When we mirror, it's vey important to reflect back, not only the meaning of what has been said, but also the feelings of the person.  This lets the person know that we have heard and understood them correctly.

Look at the worksheet found at the following link.  What feelings do you think are being communicated in each of the examples?  Write an appropriate response that reflects back both meaning and feelings for TWO of the examples.

Mirroring Worksheet



Then to be Understood - the other half of communication...... SENDING MESSAGES

5.  Read pages 178-179 in your "7 Habits".

If we want others to understand us better, it is important that we keep the lines of communication OPEN.  There are common mistakes that people can make when they are trying to communicate during times of stress and/or emotion.  These mistakes can cause the lines of communication to CLOSE between people and create negative feelings that weaken relationships.

6.  Read through each of the "Communication Blockers" found at the link below.

Communication Blockers

Can you relate?  Are you guilty of using any of these "blockers" in your interactions with others?  Do you recall a time when someone used one of these against you?  I'm sure you remember how it made you feel.  Often, your immediate reaction is to defend yourself by getting angry or withdrawing to avoid further discomfort.  If this happens what can you do to repair the relationship? ... especially if the relationship is really important to you?  Read on.

7.  Someone may have said or done something that offended you.  You want to keep the lines of communication open.  What can you do to stick up for yourself or share your concerns but be respectful of the other person at the same time?  Your best shot may be to use something called an"I" Statement.

An "I" Statement does three things:
     1. It allows you to take responsibility for your feelings WITHOUT blaming the other person. (Remember Habit #1 - Be proactive, rather than reactive?)
     2. It focusses on the problem WITHOUT attacking the person.  (Hopefully by doing this the other person won't react defensively and the lines of communication will remain OPEN).
     3. It provides the person you are speaking to with a lot of helpful information.  (A better understanding of how you feel and why.)

Complete the "I" Statement worksheet at the following link.

"I" Statement worksheet

8.  ASSIGNMENT (20 marks) - Watch the following clip from the movie, "The Break Up".  In this clip we see a conversation between two people escalate into a fight.  Let's use this example to reflect on what we've learned about communication.  Please complete the assignment by answering the following questions.




1. a). At what point in this scene do you think the lines of communication broke down and CLOSED?

    b)  What could have been done just before this point to keep the lines of communication OPEN?

2. Using the information you have learned in this lesson, explain, in some detail, three communication "mistakes" (for example: poor listening styles, communication blockers, etc.) that inflamed and/or escalated this situation.  Describe a) the mistake, b) who made it and c) what it resulted in.

3.  Once Gary and Brook have had a chance to cool down - what is an "I message" that each of them could say to the other that would explain a)  how he/she feels, b) what the other person did and c) why that was hurtful.  (Take some time to think about this - what was each of them really upset about? - dig passed the surface and try to see the real issues and emotions by using what you have learned about "genuine" listening).  Write one message that Gary could say to Brook and another that Brook could say to Gary.


Please submit your assignment via Office 365.